It's A Wonderful Life

So two exams down, two left to go. It's weird, but it's as if I don't actually feel the anxiety of exams or anything even close. I'm quite excited to finish, yet I'm anxious of the part after I finish; silly I know. I'm afraid of the upcoming limbo in a five week break where I have no idea of what to do and where to go. With the kids having their school holidays soon, I'm hoping that I can disciple them a little further, as I've noticed a slowdown as well as really, the vision of discipleship is not being fully carried out. I realise that it has to be something extremely intentional, and something that I must slowly do and carefully execute. I feel, that the kids are not ready to take on the task of learning to be a discipler, but rather I must first focus on their personal relationship with God and one another. I know it sounds a bit pompous to make that decision, but even at this stage, I myself lack the pure conviction and wisdom to do so.

I understand that it will always be of God's power that I am able to do this. However, I have to lead by example, and I feel that my current status, whilst improving, is not a life worthy to be modeled after. We all can't be perfect, but my current demons need to be dealt with. In addition I feel that I have jumped into it a little, and may have compromised their willingness. I have to look for those who are open and hungry, not those who are shut off and feel that they are satisfied.

So in this upcoming few weeks, I have to buckle down, finish my exams, read and drastically improve my knowledge, seek God's wisdom, and see where my next step lies.