Almost

Wow it has been a tumultuous week. I'm still not to sure if I have come out triumphant or not. I am seeking to but God at the top of my life, and usually I either fail or succeed but this time I'm not sure which choice is the one that glorifies Him. I almost wanted to quit my job because I was pushed to my wit's end but I chose to stay the day after. I'm not sure if this choice is the one that is the persevering choice like in James 1, where I take on my troubles head on. On the other hand I could also flee from temptation. I think I've failed to be a light in my workplace. With university finished, I feel like the first half of the year catalysed massive growth, then it consolidated and now I've hit another plateau. I am constantly searching for ways to grow but now my direction seems a bit broken. That being said, I have not been seeking my Lord's direction as much as I should.

One thing I could trust in my decision today: God will keep me wherever I go. Whatever I choose, though sometimes it may be the right choice, the path I am meant to follow will never be too far off. As long as I keep God in my decision and in the foremost in my mind I believe I will succeed. I thought my "honour God and God will honour you" phrase was just for my Year 12 but now it is applying more than ever. In my exams, in my life, in my work, and one that I struggle with surrendering- my relationships, God is supposed to be above them all.

Oh yeah, to add on I have literally been thinking of this certain girl almost every 15 minutes. It is ridiculous. I've haven't felt this way in a long time, not since you know who.. Which is weird because I don't know this girl that well; this has made me very afraid, but I'm not quite sure what has overcome me. I really want to commit that to God, I really do. However, the heart always wants what the heart wants and really I'm going to want it until God changes me otherwise, which is really difficult. Whilst it's in His will not mine, I am really struggling to be patient. I'm trying, but it just keeps coming back and really there is no use thinking about it but so it keeps coming over and over.

That's the week in a nutshell. A beloved friend will be coming back soon so I am excited to spend time with her :) she is the sister I never had and I can't wait.